I come bearing gifts.

Greetings, I am Sir Thomas, though I wouldn't be surprised if you had all forgotten about me. I have been rather... missing of late. Do not worry though, as I will make it all up to you soon.

Now, not much has been happening lately, and with stagnant times come stagnant attitudes. I was slowly sinking into debt and melancholy, thinking of all the things escaping my grasp from simple lack of money.

And then... an angel came to me. A figure of bright pearly white, and wings of alabaster shine. He looked upon me and he said... Borderlands 2 sweepstake.

Now, as many of you no doubt deduce by now, I greatly love Borderlands as a series. And you should to, because... quite simply, it is fun. And if you don't like fun, well, I don't like your kind at all. You should just leave. Go on. Leave.

They've left? Good. Now, for those of you who DO enjoy fun, I suggest entering this sweepstake. Even if you are short of money, there is a chance, a small chance, that you could enjoy Borderlands 2, and a few extra goodies as well. Merely put your name and your email address into the link above, and you may find yourself a lucky winner. Who knows. I've certainly put my name forward.

Actually. Don't enter. No one enter but me. That would be best, wouldn't it?

Good day, my friends.

Blasted Automatons

Greetings, it is I, Sir Thomas. Though... after my last post I have rather shunned that name. It has bad connotations with it now. If you don't know what I'm talking about... don't look for it. Don't want the video. Don't like, favourite and subscribe.

Sorry, I got a little off topic there. My mind is... reeling from the connotations of what I have witnessed. Metal men. Moving, screeching, angry metal men. They ripped and tore through everything in front of them, flesh and metal twisting beneath their cold palms as they bulldozed through buildings and people without a care or flicker of emotion. These... brutes, these terrible, unhuman husks of a gentleman, are upon us. But fear not. We have a select group of people to deal with these sorts of situations. We have men ready to give their lives for this cause. We have... the A-team.

Wait. The A-team are dead. Apparently there was a terrible mix-up with a movie crew, several large helicopters and the belief that you can throw money at anything and make it good. These robots run on piles of money. So... unfortunately this plan failed.

Instead, gentlemen, I have obtained six people who recently lost their jobs and will literally kill these monstrosities for food, the occasional refill of the canteen, and hats.

That's right. I'm talking about the TF2 mercenaries.

These... people... if you want to call them that, I'm fine with ragamuffins, but apparently they wish to be declared as 'people'... are willing to take out the approaching robot horde for very little money. In fact, you could almost call this free. In fact it is free. Everything about this fight is free. So... perhaps it shall be more entertaining to watch than we first anticipated.

They will be based in specific attack areas, in the throngs of the terrible horde of robots, and they shall be fighting off these hordes until they stand on top of a mountain of twisted metal. Or they lay snapped in half, screaming for mercy as robots tear their vital organs out and squeeze the biles into their eyes. Either way, it shall be a rather amusing bout of rough housing.

For those interested, the people organising these battles (known formally as Valve) have presented us with a bit of backstory and description of the abilities of these avengers of the human race. It can be found here. It contains descriptions of the mercenaries, their opponents, the upgrades available to them (if they chose to purchase some... and... you know... live) and the specific points in which they will be applauded for. It will be quite a fight, I assure you.

Those of you interested in taking part of a lucky "draw" for prizes, the admission is £0.99. A measly sum, I think you'll agree. It might be a bit addictive though, I advise caution against spending all of your money on the tickets. For those interested, here is a link to their Frequently Asked Questions about the prizes and the draw.

I know I will be participating with my friends in this wonderful sport... Or... fight for the human race, which ever this is. I just hope that my long string of losing bets has finally ended. I would hate to lose even more money on such adventures... Then again, if I lose, then humanity has lost as well. Perhaps a lack of money wouldn't be my worst problem.

Good Day, my friends.

As I promised.

Greetings, I am Sir Thomas, and I have... a treat... for you today. A while ago, some of you may remember, I wrote about the Fanfiction 'My Immortal' and how it is the very Nadia of fanfiction writing. Some of you will also remember that I promised, at the very end, that I would do a reading of this terrible abomination. It gained popular opinion, and thus... I have spawned... this...

It toiled over a microphone for at least an hour, and the depths of the internet for countless more, to bring to you this... terrible fusion of internet memes, abhorrent fanfiction, and mumbled curses. I have done it. Not... all of it... the video was thirty minutes plus by the end of chapter ten... But it is a start. So... to all my friends... here it is. The beginning of the end.

Good day, my friends.

The Weird Wins

I claim the hundredth web log entry. Me. Sir Thomas. I have to claim what I can in these damnable times.

EDIT: I was lead to believe, by my erstwhile writer and strange game Enthusiast, Howell, that we were on the hundredth post at this current time. That is why you might have seen (I doubt it) a version of this post with a "hooray for a hundred" sticker at the end, and some kind of whimsical explanation that I wasn't actually stealing the hundredth post, I just had something to say, and I was buying time until I had something to say, until I thought about my subject here. We are not, I repeat, not on the hundredth post. We are on the ninety-second, with eight drafts saved. This means my colleague miscounted, and I was lead astray. Do no fret though. I shall endeavour to be the hundredth post anyway.
END EDIT.


So anyway. ParaNorman.

I have seen adverts for this movie popping up every now and then, but not very often lately. At a recent movie viewing (yes, the Dark Knight Rises was the current movie of choice. I am considering a review. Possibly a video one) I found a recent trailer for ParaNorman. It intrigued me, and since I have been given a handy... platform for my daily ponderings I decided to look a little more into it and report back here. And I'm rather glad I did.

First, the movie. As you can see, it's a horror, and an animated horror at that. A family friendly animated horror actually, dealing with spirits and other worlds and ghosts and ghouls. And I can already see a certain bulb flashing on in your head. Sometimes these bulbs have different names, say, The Nightmare before Christmas, The Corpse Bride, James and the Giant Peach (be quiet, some scenes from that movie terrified me as a child). The lights inside your head all lead back to one thing however. Tim Burton.

Now, I'm not certain about you... regular people, but I can't help but feel that Tim Burton has become rather saturated in the current market of Family Friendly Comedy Horror lately. A feeling that isn't helped by his latest instalment Frankenweenie.

I'm not here to badmouth Tim Burton. He has done brilliant work in the past, some true treasures, and I would not want to soil his name. I am merely suggesting that... if one person constantly produces items on the same subject, with little competition, the public can become... disillusioned with them. It doesn't mean their work has decreased in skill, it just means that variety is the spice of life. It's just the issue that, if you invented the formula, it would be a little insulting to call the work formulaic, and since his work is the only one present, it seems even worse. I believe this would be the best point to make some kind "All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy" joke, but I honestly can't think of one. Make one up yourself.

ParaNorman deals with a boy, Norman Babcock. He is a loner, and weird, and generally disliked in school. This is not just because he has hair resembling that of a common or household paintbrush, but because of his ability to talk to the dead. Social seclusion has never caused me to develop a super power, but perhaps the curse of being a recluse is that I am not shunned enough. I shall have to attempt to go out into public some more, and see if a little extra shunning causes me to have the abilities of an arachnid or some such development. Then I shall be a super powered recluse. Enough speculation. Norman discovers an insidious plot, involving a three hundred year old curse, his unfortunately unstable Uncle and the dead rising from their graves. Now he has to save the town by using his gift of speaking to the dead. See what I mean about new?

An indication of what exactly awaits is the fact that ParaNorman is by the animators behind Coraline. You remember that movie? Well, fine, another Trailer for those who have forgotten.

If you amnesiacs in the readership have put away your laudanum and got your memories in the right way round, you will remember that Coraline was a very disturbing movie, with some very good Animation and a fresh story. This is something that it shares with ParaNorman by the look of it, while Frankenweenie up there is literally a combination of different horror movies that have been in film since it was... well, in black and white. Again, I have no issues with Burton's work, but Coraline and ParaNorman seem more enchanting to me because they are new, a new company, a new story, a new take on the world of Family Friendly Animated Horror. Perhaps it is a niche, but I feel it is a niche that needed to be filled.

Now... with the movie discussed I want to put forward my take on the people behind it. The LAIKA/ house animation studio. Facebook page for the studios here if you're interested.

From all I have seen (and I have done hours of extensive research) the people of Laika studios do what they love. I know it's a strange comment to make, but it should give you an idea of their work ethic at least. They want to put time, effort, their own lives and emotions out there... Judging from their own personal web logs, they associate with Norman on an emotional level. No, they never had to deal with mystical powers and talking to the dead, but they were outsiders. They didn't belong in their schools, people thought their weird, perhaps they were shunned by the 'popular kids'. 

They obviously brought their experiences with that along for this project, not in the treatment and eventual fate of those considered popular, just in the way Norman is shown handling his situation. Personally, knowing this information, I'm going to be a bit disquieted when I eventually watch the movie now, and consider what personal experiences could have been poured into the moments of bullying, segregation and emotionally crippling situations. Or perhaps I'm just reading too much into this.

These people are weird. They're also dedicated, and they know their audience. "What do I mean by that?" you ask. I mean mailing a buried coffin to Neil Gaiman with a stop motion zombie model inside it. "What the f-" you begin, before I silence your expletive with this link.

Sometimes, when a movie or game is marketed too much, it's because it is recognisably bad and people want to market it as much as possible to sell as many tickets opening night as they can. Something about this marketing ploy seems less greedy to me. I'm not certain what it is exactly. Perhaps it's that this is the first time I've actually heard of it, and I had to look into the movie personally to discover their unusual packages? I don't know. Believe what you will, this only makes me want to watch the movie more.

The official website (along with trailers, character descriptions, animator game, book extract, interviews with the cast and creators... and well... a whole collection of oddities... is here.

Facebook for the ParaNorman movie is located here. Twitter is here. They also are on Instagram under "ParaNorman". I honestly believe there are too many methods of communication in the current world. Sometimes I want to go some place where no one will ever look for me, or visit... an internet recluse if you will... Perhaps I will try Google+.

The official blog... or Tumblr... or whatever they are currently calling a collection of information in one place about specific subjects... is here.

(I like to call such things Encyclopaedias. That is a link to the Encyclopaedia of ParaNorman)

Now... I'm uncertain how this twitter thing occurs... but... oh dear. @ParaNorman and #Weirdwins

Should any of them see this web log, I would very much like to hold a discussion with them where possible. Perhaps there shall be tea. Or if the discussion would be held over a long period of time via some kind of electronic means, perhaps there shall be many cups of tea. If they would like to offer me a writing job, as I find myself sadly lacking in the employment department, I will require something slightly stronger than tea to celebrate with.

Good day, my friends.

I Enjoy Partaking in Terrible Movies

Greetings, Sir Thomas here again. Though on the weekends I am Geoffrey Dahmer, owner of a roadside cafe. Please use my more common moniker.

I find that I enjoy the occasional bad movie. And when I mean bad movies, I mean good movies, movies that enjoy self parody, are not afraid to crank up the silliness, the gore or the absurdity. I have found solace, in the recent months, from such amazing titles as "Hobo with a Shotgun" and "Ironsky". Firstly, a tale of a vigilante homeless man killing paedophiles, rapists, murders and thieves on the streets of the worst city imaginable, using only a shotgun and a friendly hooker. I believe it is based somewhere in New Jersey. It's like the latest Batman feature, if he was poor. And used a shotgun. And was homeless. And Catwoman was a prostitute. So not much of a stretch.

While Ironsky is based on the moon, partly, with an attack from moon Nazis looming, one used-to-be-black-fashion-model (no relation to Michael Jackson) has to somehow convince the hot Nazi woman that Hitler wasn't all he cracked up to be. With a threat of iPhone powered lazer death beams from space, he has to act fast before the American president (who is so close to Sarah Palin that I bet they use the same hunting rifle) can hand over all the power of America to the charismatic Nazi forces.

Well, as you can see, I enjoy the occasional partaking in B-grade, low quality good concept movies. Even though sometimes they have good quality, and amazing concepts, the spirit stays the same. So I am very, VERY glad to announce that one of the best B-movies out there, Starship Troopers, is getting a sequel.

Why am I so glad about this? Specially since the Starship Troopers movie already has at least TWO sequels, neither of which really made an impression on the B-movie industry? Well, just... LOOK at it. It's a Halo movie practically. With the original cast (yes, that includes Neil Patrick Harris) returning for this animated slaughter-fest, this new sequel is looking impressively put together. And the dialogue is perfectly serious, with JUST enough cheese added to it to make it seem like a real B-movie. Of course, you can say that it's relying a little too much on big explosions and scenes, and you lose some of the original charm with the lack of staying close to a bunch of live action people being ripped to shreds by the giant insects... But this gives me a little hope for the Starship Troopers label at least.

If you have any B-movies you suggest I watch, or even terrible ones, then please do suggest it in the comments. I will say now, I have watched "The Room". All of you who know what this is, you know my pain. All of you who don't know what this is... perhaps drop a comment to show your interest in this subject.

Good day, my friends.

Borderlands 2 Trailer

Sir Thomas here again. Get it? Got it? Good.

A new trailer for Borderlands 2 has emerged, and it's amusing, incredibly satisfying, and slightly childhood ruining.

Exactly what genius decided to put these things together? That song, and this video? I mean, it's not exactly the first thing that pops into your head is it? What is the best song to put the whole sale slaughter of masked bandits to? Wimoweh, from Lion King. The remixed version. Right, that's makes perfect sense.

But damn if this doesn't work. Say everything you want about Borderlands, it certainly knows how to advertise. I hope to be playing this straight after it comes out. And I hope to be playing this for a long time after with friends.

Good day, my friends.

Extra Credits

Greetings, I am Sir Thomas. Not Saint Thomas. Not Lord Thomas. And certainly not Lord British, that is a completely different person entirely. I will repeat my moniker until you manage to repeat it.

I am here today to tell you about certain people. I am talking to you about them because I had literally nothing else to talk about. These are the people I turn to when I want to think of something new, perhaps something innovative, perhaps something I've known for a long time, but never looked at from a particular angle. I was racking my brains to think of something, anything, to present you with. In my hubris I turned to these people for inspiration, something to think about. I decided, the moment the page had loaded, to instead tell our dear readership about them instead.

These people are James Portnow (in Blue), Daniel Floyd (in Green) and Allison Theus (in Pink), or, as I shall hence on call them, "Extra Credits". They are a mostly gaming show that examines the industry, the structure, the jobs, the market, the laws, the best moments that have ever happened and the darkest shadows that have crept across their medium. These people, these talented, intelligent people, have made me feel as if I am the future of a new art form, an unexplored horizon... and then a few episodes later, can make me consider myself a base beast of ignorance and spite, and question my choices in life. They do not shy away from the hard questions, or the ugly and difficult truths.

Make no mistake, they are not all about gritty realism and the issue of gender politics in games. They spread humour in their videos, through art, word play, and just... to me... the atmosphere. There are very few places on the internet I go to learn and laugh. This is one of them. I suggest you watch it. If not for the fact that you're learning from people directly involved with a developing industry, but for the fact they are always on top of the latest and most vital news. A PIPA and SOPA episode? Certainly. Crowdfunding and Kickstarter? Of course. They even recently had a Politician guest starring to discuss how the public can effect Government, because their fans sent in so many letters displaying their feelings of powerlessness when PIPA and SOPA were introduced. They go above and beyond the cause.

To me, although I blush to admit it, these people are something to aspire to.I know it might sound strange, but someone who does a day's honest work, comes home and develops an internet show with their friends, just to better inform and educate the masses... there is something noble in that. An honesty to them, if you will. Perhaps I am aggrandising them too much, I am rather a fanatic of theirs, but I'll give you an example of what they do.

A while ago, Allison, the artist, had an issue with her arm. I'm not certain what it was directly, I am no doctor, but I believe recalling that it was an issue with the tendons. This would make drawing, her profession, incredibly difficult for her, and she would require an operation to fix the issue. This operation, since she is in America, would have to be paid for out of her own pocket. She did not have the money.
The people at Extra Credits turned to their fans. They made it clear, it was a charitable donation, they asked you only give what you can to help Allison. The result was... incredible.
Fans gave money so quickly that they reached the desired amount in a few hours. Then they kept giving. Extra Credits had inspired so many people that the final amount received staggered all previous expectations. And now, they had an issue.
Allison had her operation, a smashing success, with guest artists coming in in droves to take her place and support Extra Credits while she recovered. But by the end they had a lot of money extra. Ask yourself what you would do in that situation. Refund it? Impossible. Give it away? It rather defeats WHY these people gave the charitable donations to you, doesn't it? How about giving it back in a different way?
These people, these wonderful people, came up with a plan. They would take small time developers, indie companies surviving off of scraps, and they would nourish them. They would support games with these funds. And what is more, the fine people at Extra Credits are aware of all the traps and foils of the Game industry. They knew when people were being abused, or tricked, by crafty Publishers. They lined these problems out in front of the audience, and they killed them all, promising that they would be a fair Producer, and all money made by this venture, would fall straight back into the fund to Produce bigger and better games.

I do not believe I have to tell you anything more. These people are honest. If I was to describe them in one word, it would be Honest. Yet, this is my own opinion. My own beliefs of them. You should watch. You should observe, and either deem me mad, or praise their excellence. I ask for none myself. It is their work. I merely pointed it in your direction.

Good day, my friends.

My Hand Has Been Forced

Greetings, I am Sir Thomas, though for once I do not wish you to remember my name. I am about to ruin your faith in humanity.

Fanfictions have existed since stories first began, and these days, with the multiple electronic devices available and the massive data sharing ability of the internet, it has gotten easier and easier to share your strange fantasies involving the cast of Power Rangers and Watership Down having a fight to the death over who gets to win Princess Daisy's hand in marriage. Before you search for that, I have a much worse one for you to ponder over.

I was going to save this until it was absolutely necessary. I was pushing the web log further and further back until I could find something else to write about, anything to write about. With every single one of our submitters missing yesterday, and with little movement today, I find that I am... forced... to reveal this to you. Ladies and Gentlemen, if this is the only submission today, you will no doubt be glad of that fact. I present to you, the worst Fanfiction ever written.

I present to you... My Immortal.

Lets get this straight. The video, that video that I just linked on this website, is not the worst thing in the entire world. No, the worst thing in the entire world, in the entire existence of the internet, is the written transcription of the Fanfiction.

This piece of writing is so bad, so absolutely appalling, that fanfiction.net demanded it should be removed from the site because it wasn't "up to the standards" of the website. This is fanfiction.net! They have made an entire website about hosting the strangest, most disturbing, and worst written literature of the internet. Sure, there are a few gems in there, some actually interesting things, but the majority of it is slurry.

Let us do some character profiling shall we? Not of the characters in the story, they are one dimensional author inserts with an obsession with Satan (or... Satin, depending on the spelling), I mean the woman who posted this. Tara Gelesbie.

This girl... this... strange... troubled girl... decided to one day write a Fanfiction. What did she decide to write it about? Not something she loves, not something she knows anything about really, she decided to write it about the Harry Potter Universe because, for all intents and purposes, the boys were pretty. Seriously. She saw the film, she barely got a grasp of the characters, but she knew who she wanted to sleep with. The answer was everyone. So she took the characters and she messed with them. She just... twisted and ruined them until they were what she wanted, and what she wanted was a bunch of Satan worshiping, over emotional vampires. But, you know what, this is Fanfiction. I could allow that, I could let this slide as a merely terrible Fanfiction, if it wasn't for her Author Notes. It is here that we see just how twisted her mentality was.

She constantly seeks self-assurance, to the point where she labels anyone who disagrees with her, or does not like her work, under one name: "Preps" She does not once imagine that her Masterpiece could possibly be tripe, a horrible collection of misspellings and terribly written sex scenes, butchered characters and violated grammar... No, anyone who doesn't like it is a Prep, and they don't like her because she's "Goffik". Her need to be constantly placated with soft (false) coos of praise even pushes as far as demanding good reviews or she would stop writing; at this point she was an internet sensation, people hated her, and they loved to hate her, so they kept feeding her... and it just... kept getting worse. I have never made it all the way through this... literary abortion, but I have heard bits and pieces... in the story, and the author notes themselves, there are hints of incest, paedophilia, satanism, self-harm, murder, suicide, plot holes, even bigger plot holes, accidental censoring, time travel, Good Charlotte, Vampires and the most painful use of the English Language I have ever seen.

There are 44 chapters, with author notes included, linked in the website above. It even has a video page, for... more physical torture. And... you know what? If this web log, this very one, gets enough hits, enough people posting their... support of the idea... I will read this. I will record myself reading this out loud, and I will no doubt record myself losing all hope in humanity part way through. I will do voices. I will do this pile of absolute effluence justice. And I will stick it up on here, for people to watch.

Good lord I can't believe I just said that.

Good day, my friends.

I thought it couldn't get better...

Sir Thomas, get it right, and get it done quick.

A really expedient update from myself, merely because I am waiting for the servers to load on TF2. No. Seriously. Don't leave. I know I repeated myself, I know my last post was about this, but this is a serious mortar shell that went off under the floor boards.

By now you've seen the Meet the Pyro video. If you haven't, may I direct your mouse over towards the link just there? It is rather necessary for this web log to make sense. Click it. I won't wait, you'll have to catch up.

Now, seen it? Good. You know that land of wonderment and joy that the Pyro sees every day? You know the sweet lollipops and baloonicorns that line every street and destroyed corpse? Well, good news, you can play there.

Pick your jaw up from boot level before I scrape some muck off on it. You put one goggles, on ANY character, and the animation turns to... well... what you saw in the video. I don't know how exact the transformation was, they definitely had enough time to pull it off, and the server still hasn't connected. But I advise everyone, everywhere, to start playing as soon as possible. Because if you don't play before the 5th of July, you won't get your pair of free Balloonicorn goggles. And you don't want that to happen do you?

Here's the Pyroland page. Go there and just... marvel at the sheer nerve of Valve. I am uncertain what fever dream they fell into to even consider something of this magnitude... but no matter the crippling brain scarring, it was worth it.

Good day, my friend.

Salutations are in Order!

Greetings once again, it is I, Sir Thomas. You all know my name by now, and I am astounded that none of you are yet to actually use it.

Now, today I was informed of a wonderful occurrence. Team Fortress 2, a first-person-massive-online-multiplayer-shooty-game-type-thing has uploaded the latest and final "Meet the Team" video. What is "Meet the Team" you ask? Well I'll tell you, but you really should say "please" when making an inquiry from your betters.

Meet the Team is a series of videos where those wonderful mischief makers at Valve show you a little more about the unique and frankly appealing characters of TF2. Each class is a specific character model, and they treat these characters as people with completely different and sometimes rather disturbing personalities. The only problem is, this isn't a story based game, it's an online multiplayer.

So, to give these characters some more depth they add certain... differences to the reactions they have as you play.  The scout's mocking laughter and loud personality clashes greatly with the quiet confidence and soft spoken insults of the sniper. This wasn't enough though. They needed cutscenes about the characters. But they couldn't stick them in game, there was no place for them. So they decided to make the videos separate. They created the "Meet the Team" series.

The last one, the latest one, is about the most mysterious character in the game. A character who shows no flesh at all, who speaks in such muffled tones it is almost impossible to understand him... or her... or it. The Pyro.

Dear God in his mighty heaven above what did I just WATCH? This is some kind of abomination upon science, or psychology, or perhaps both! This reveals nothing, but everything about this character, and I'm terrified but intrigued as to how this... thing came into being. Is it a man? A woman? A little girl in a suit? An Alien? A robot? It says nothing, but we see the world through the Pyro's eyes for the first time, and I, personally, am terrified of this character now.

What can I say but... insanity. Pure insanity. Or... perhaps trickery. You might notice, when the camera is zoomed in on the Pyro's face, some words on his... her... it's mask. "Optical Mask". With more writing beneath it. Could it be, the Pyro is in fact, not exactly insane? Merely... innocent? A character of innocence that throws itself upon the enemy without fear because it believes nothing in this world can hurt it, because it cannot take that mask off itself? I smell something in the air, and that is the smell of the words "Property of Aperture Science" stamped across mask rubber.

Another troubling detail... at the beginning, with interviews of the Heavy and Scout and Spy, all scared stiff of the Pyro... they are RED team members. The Pyro's OWN team members. The Scout physically runs away from his own team member.

I need to go play Team Fortress 2 some more. It's free. Anyone and everyone can download it. I suggest they do. I shall be the one with a flamethrower and complete lack of control.

Here is a link to the Team Fortress 2 youtube page, for those who want to  view all of the available Meet the Team videos. I suggest they do, if not for the comedy, then for the interesting psychological character studies.

Good day, my friends.

A Refined Palet

Greetings from Sir Thomas again. I'm sorry for the terrible lack of recent activity, but due to a certain lack of funds things have become... difficult for me. That and you all seem to refuse to state my name correctly. But, when a glove is thrown down I must pick it up. I am a gentleman, even in my current circumstances.

I am, of course, referring to the question about my favourite trailer to a game. And this leads me rather wonderfully into another topic. We shall take this in order however, and I shall explain what is my favourite game trailer, and why I find it tickles my fancy so.

The trailer, in question, is this:

I'm uncertain why, but the cartoon violence and artstyle, coupled with the amazing "Ain't no Rest for the Wicked" has made this advertisement remain in my head for the longest time. This is actually simply the introduction to the game, but was treated as a reveal for the playable character classes. The trailer is simplistic, the names, attitudes and specialisations of the characters being conveyed without excessive exposition. The game itself has its ups and downs, but I find this trailer always puts me in the mood to play the game again.

Licensing music for a video game is a tricky business; if you fail terribly, you owe people a lot of money you don't have... and trust me I know how that feels. But I think Borderlands hit the mark with the song choice. They tried something that most didn't dare to attempt, and it paid off with one of the most memorable trailers I've ever seen.

Now, to the news.

Borderlands has a sequel in the works. Yes, wonderful news indeed my fine chums.

This sequel shall no doubt contain the same insane comedy, over the top violence and powerful musket-rifles as the previous one. How can I be so certain you ask? Why, because I've been a fanatic of one of the writers for quite a long time.

Anthony Burch, and his sister Ashley, have no doubt consumed some kind of psychosis inducing beverage in their time, because their brand of humour seems to surpass mere strange and sidle into the realms of pure surreality. These are people directly involved with the creative process. When I heard this would be Anthony's premier project I almost choked on my pipe.

Let us examine a trailer of theirs, shall we?

Alas, they seem to be lacking the initial taste for music. You might notice a certain... dubstep style to their choice for this trailer. This is a common happen-stance in trailers these days sadly, but I find the trailer could be forgiven for it's use of self parody and humour. 96.5% WUB WUB still brings a smile to my face whenever I see it alongside other more po-faced trailers using similar tracks with no hint of irony or original ideas.

The trailer promises development from the old formula, not just more of the same, and I find that an enjoyable concept. The old characters are there, but are not playable, you are someone new, coming into a new and developed world. With, thankfully, a new (actually present) story.

Perhaps I am a victim to circumstance and hype, but I am looking forward to this game, these new developments. I am looking forward to visiting Pandora again in a new light. I am looking forward to... ah... how did they put it... "joy puking my face off".

Good day, my friends.

Among the Sleep

It is I again, Sir Thomas. I threatened that should be repeated until you should correctly address me as such, and as you can see I am a man of my word.

Now, please do excuse my absence for the last few days, while I have lucrative accounts and a slew of friends and benefactors that might back me up should I become overburdened by monetary issues, things have fallen rather... flat of late. In fact I've recently had to move my place of living to one of a much lesser standard, the dreaded family abode.

But never the less, I shall endeavour to complete my given task, that of keeping the unwashed masses up to date with current and interesting news. Just so long as they do not touch me. Ah, the marvels of electronic communication.

Now, the item I wish to discuss today is a rather intriguing one. I have a fondness for horror, as many of you may ascertain from previous web logs. One of the tropes of horror is the inclusion of children. It ranges from large headed children stumbling through large murderous worlds, their innocence being spoiled repeatedly with every vicious grisly action they see performed in front of their eyes, to children with some indication of a mental handicap who wield vast and terrible powers beyond the comprehension of mortal man.

Either way, horror certainly loves to throw children into the mix, and occasionally into large spinning blades, so it was only a matter of time before someone attempted to take it one step further. This is where it gets interesting.

Krillbite studio, a Norway based developer, have decided that their flagship game should set a pretty high mark for controversy and censor inducing. To achieve this they decided to put the player in the position of a child. A very small child. In fact, this game decided to make their protagonist so young that it could be the first FPC (first-person-crawler) we see on the market. As for the genre, you might have come to the conclusion already that it's a horror. I suppose things seem scarier to a two-year-old.

That's right. A two-year-old. The game, which is called 'Among the Sleep' is placed in the perspective of a two-year-old. Don't believe me? Well it's true, and I have video to prove it, but you should trust your betters. Try to improve on that.

This game looks as if it's gearing up to be quite... interesting. Certainly playing it will be an experience. The child's mind is somewhere between reality and imagination, where every shadow and noise could be a monster of creature sneaking up to attack them.
This game will no doubt stretch the borders between what is real and what is fantasy, and no doubt both will be deadly.

Well, perhaps not deadly. While I give credit to the Krillbite team for daring to approach this concept, I'm uncertain that they would be allowed to animate a toddler being thrown from a rooftop, or eaten by a terrible beast, or hit by a threshing machine. I digress, they would likely be physically restrained before they animated the first disproportionately large eyeball dislodging from the brittle skull.

Is that dark enough? Yes, I believe it to be a fine way to end that discussion. The game looks interesting, and I suggest that people show their support for this new development team. At least they're not producing another first-person-shooter with Russians and a heavy reliance on multiplayer. You know which one I mean... the one with the vehicle section.

Nevermind. I'm certain that you can fill in the blanks there. The official website for the game is here. Please, give them more traffic, give them support, give them money if you should have any, and they should be willing. I look forward to needlessly throwing this toddler into harms way in the future.

Good day, my friends.

Left 4 Dead: The Movie

Greetings, I am Sir Thomas, and I will continue to say this until you get it right.

It appears that it has fallen on me to guide the average internet plebeian in the ways they should distribute their money yet again. While I am certain many of you have viewed my previous web log submission with a certain amount of glee that you can actually eat this week instead of feeding your crippling addiction to games, I'm afraid I have found a better use for the money saved by partaking in the Humble Indie Bundle. 

Yes, instead of feeding yourself, or any kind of dependant children, or purchasing any kind of medication, I strongly suggest you throw all of your saved money into this:

That's correct my friends, a movie based on Valve's hit videogame: Left 4 Dead.

This is, first of all, a fan movie. Now don't fret over this, or consider it somehow a lesser product because of this. Sometimes the finest creations come out of force of will, lack of resources and true consideration going into the work. A hand crafted table will be finer than any furniture created simply by process and assembly.

Now, I hear you exclaim, 'How on earth shall I distribute wealth to these people? And for what purpose?'

It is simple. The project is non-profit, and mostly self-funded; to assure quality however, the project has turned their hearts to the internet, asking for a little monetary donation in order to refine their work. And, of course, they are offering a little... shall we say... recompense for those generous enough to come to their aid. The more generous you are, the more you get in return.

From all signs available a majority of work has been completed, and they just need a little push forward to emerge as fully fledged movie makers, and I say do it. The milk of human kindness is shared too little among the average man, together, you can do great things. Together, you can stand up again those who suppress you. Though I do hope you all remember who was the man who guided you towards this consideration when the uprising begins. Me. It was me.

The donation site for the Left4Dead movie can be found here, the production team's Youtube channel can be found here, and the Facebook page for the movie can be found here.

Now, let it never be said that I do not present you with interesting new developments.

Good day, my friends.

An Amazing TV Spot

Greetings, it is I, Sir Thomas. I shall continue to repeat that until you get it right.

Now, what with the current obsession with the Avengers Assemble movie (not to be confused with the Avengers movie, as Sean Connery in a full teddy bear suit is not a sight that many wish to behold), I have felt that there is a biased in this blog. Yes, Avengers Assemble was a marvellous movie, and I congratulate Mr Whedon on continuing his wonderful career as  one of the Geek culture's greatest Directors/Writers, but there are other things on the horizon my friends.

One of those who have been missing from this blog is the upcoming and stupendous movie, The Amazing Spiderman.To this end I feel it is my duty to share with you this trailer.

That's right, an unlisted Amazing Spiderman trailer! I can't tell you the exhaustive minutes of research it took for me to accidentally stumble across this and decide to display it on this web log. I do so hope you enjoy.

Good day, my friends.

PS, due to this whole situation being rather... strange and new to me, I am uncertain how to post the videos on the page if they are unlisted and thus cannot be found by searching Youtube itself. If anyone knows how to correct this slight inadequacy, please do contact me through the comments. I refuse to hand out my email address any more. Much more... personal inadequacies were suggested then.

An Adventure in Economical Gaming

Greetings, my name is Thomas, I am a newly acquired contributor to this Web Log. My friends know me by the name Tom, you may call me Sir Thomas. Now, I am here to discuss how to best utilise your finances in our current economic crisis.

If, occasionally, you find yourself in a dilemma where you are currently having a rather dry spot with your finances, you are repeatedly being denied a fresh loan until you pay off your currents ones, and you suffer from that intemperate itch that demands you divulge in some top quality video games, you may think all is hopeless.

Now, I advise you not to fret friend, as there are certain groups of people in the world who acknowledge the outrageous prices of even mediocre games on the current gaming platforms.
They have made it their task to bring happiness to the masses, flying in the face of convention to bring you high quality products for a minimal price. Their goal, to allow anyone with a computer, whether Mac or PC, to obtain games for a fraction of the normal amount.

These people are, of course, internet pirates.

As a gentleman however I must refrain from conversing with the shadier side of the law, even when suffering from the worst gaming drought I had ever experienced. It is perhaps fortunate then that I stumbled across a website that has similar ideals and methods of the internet pirates, without all that unfortunate business of it all being illegal.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you, The Humble Indie Bundle.

The Humble Bundle is a marvellous idea. Currently in the fifth instalment, the Humble Bundle is a charitable organisation that sells a collection of games for a greatly reduced cost. These deals only last for a certain amount of time however, the current one only for another two days, so do hurry up and buy it. The website allows you to pay a personalised amount, whether that be thousands of pounds or a single penny, and in return you gain up to eight games.

Of course, as incentive, you get less games for giving less money. If you pay below the average amount you are only capable of unlocking four out of the current eight games, which is still a simply incredible deal if you consider that you could be purchasing four games for less than the cheapest of bargain bin wines

For beating the average price, which even at the time of writing this article, with 537,404 copies of the Bundle sold, is still only $8.40, you can obtain all eight games, their soundtracks, and a comfortable warm sensation inside that you are donating the charity through these actions.

Now, I believe the best thing to do at this very moment would be to examine what games they have to offer.

Superbrothers: Sword and Sworcery EP

I am uncertain if I've ever seen a game that can contrast graphics with atmosphere as Superbrothers: Sword and Sworcery EP can. Not to say the graphics are in any way bad, they are basic, which can be used to great effect, but the pixelated style gives nothing away of the true power of the game. Every detail was included to make this game old fashioned, yet completely immersive. Storytelling is the focus of the game, with wonderful detail put into the auditory atmosphere, and a unique choice in graphics.

LIMBO

I find it ill-advised for people who suffer from paranoia or arachnophobia to play this game, mostly because everything is trying to kill you in a variety of different rather disgusting ways. If I was asked to describe the game LIMBO in one dramatic word, I would have to say 'dark', with perhaps more emphasis on the 'DARK' part. Though short, the puzzle platformer has a certain appeal that raises it above the rest. A must try, though it is perfectly understandable if you have to occasionally stop and lay down after a fit of hysterics.

Amnesia: The Dark Descent

As we were already discussing fits of hysteria, I believe this is the best game to present next on this list. Amnesia is, without a shadow of a doubt, one of the most terrifying games of recent history. Shambling monstrosities, murders, mystery, and the disquieting fact that the settings occasionally look like my summer house, this game is probably already on any survival horror fan's list. I strongly advise you get it, even if you are not a fan of survival horror. Playing even a few moments of it is... an experience.

Psychonauts

Have you ever had the desire to explore the mental state of the completely deranged? Napoleon complexes? Delusional Paranoia? Anger issues? How about a giant mutated fish? Or even a bubbly party girl? Well you can visit all these and more in Double Fine's adventure game epic. With sprawling landscapes filled with amusing and quite literally insane characters, a ludicrous but driving story, and a summer camp for the psychic, this game is getting on in years, but is considered a classic for a reason.

Now we are exploring into the games that you need to pay that little bit extra for. But I'm certain even the greatest misers in the world could produce enough to beat the Humble Bundle's average.

Bastion

What makes art art? That is a philosophical question that has been pondered on for centuries, and has been asked more in the recent displays of the so called 'art'. The common opinion at the moment is that a piece of work is considered art by lots of people, and thus the opinion makes it art. Well, if that is true, I suggest you purchase the bundle at just above average and obtain this wonderful piece of art. The narration, a master piece, the graphics, a sight to behold. Perhaps, when you cut right down to it, it is still an adventure game, but it is so refined, so different, that you will play it just for the sake of playing.

Lone Survivor

Horror. A theme to this Bundle seems to be horror. This game is a spiritual successor to the original Silent Hill franchise. By that I mean that you are trapped in an apartment complex that seems to slip into another realm, possibly hell itself, where all manner of god-less creatures are trying to tear you to shreds for their own enjoyment. A fine example of survival horror done effectively in a very basic way, it captures what it is really like to survive any kind of terrible monster or zombie invasion. This might be very useful information to obtain, should the rumours about Florida prove true. I suggest picking it up, if not just for the horror then the life saving value.

Braid

Braid was one of the first Indie games to come out that really showed the power of small developers. With nothing but interesting ideas, some intuitive mechanics and some wonderful art style, Braid helped kick the Indie circuit into the spotlight. While there are complaints that the story and the gameplay are kept in two completely different areas, and the story is at best complex and at worse completely incomprehensible, there is a reason this game caused such a raucous over simply existing. A fine example of a game, if not the best.

Super Meat Boy

Boy made of meat loves girl who is a physical representation of a bandage, only to have the girl stolen away by an evil foetus who wears a monocle and a top-hat. It's an age old story, told again and again, and again, and again, depending on what level you play on. One of the hardest platformers around, and one of the longest as well, Super Meat Boy is a simple premise of getting the little red cube over to the little pink cube, but is handled in such a ridiculously over the top way that you can forgive any shortcomings of the game. While certainly infuriating at times, the game leaves you always wanting more. One more level, one more bandage, one more A+ rating. If you love to complete your games 100%, I suggest you try to resist that urge with this game, because the difficulty can and will destroy you.

That is all for today. It was a rather long submission in the end, but I hope everyone enjoyed it. I shall be covering the Humble Indie Bundle when it is released again in a sixth instalment, informing you of the games available and my opinions of them.

Good day, my friends.